you were only with us for 40 days.  your entry into this world was not easy and not at all like i had dreamed it would be.  for 40 days your fought for every minute, we sat by your side, watched you struggle but prayed that you would make it.  then one minute you were just going back for a quick routine surgery and the next our lives were never the same.  lots of things about that time are blurry and hard to remember.  it's been 9 years now.  but that day, i remember every single second as if it just happened. 

i didn't see it then but God played a big part in that whole day.  He knew it was going to be your last here with us and soon you would be in Heaven.  it was supposed to just be a routine surgery to see what was making you not be able to hold down any feeds.  but for some reason i knew i needed to call your dad and tell him to hurry and get to the hospital.  as we sat down to wait i decided to use the pumping room to get some bottles ready for you and your brother, carson.  i spent a peaceful 20 minutes by myself, little did i know just outside the door our whole lives were about to change forever.  and from that moment till 9:27 in the evening we somehow held it together.  and somehow 9 years later we are still.  not a moment goes by that i don't wish for some more time to snuggle you or to tell you how much you are loved, but you know that.  you see us every day and we see you.  in every rainbow, every star and in three little faces here smiling at me every day.  carson, brooks and shelby are the luckiest kids around to have you as their brother waiting for them in Heaven.  as much as i wish you were here with us i know it is so much better where you are.  happy Heaven day, sweet Cooper Phillips!