“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together there is something you must always remember, you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart I'll always be with you.”

~Winnie the Pooh



carson had his first mri yesterday.  we're used to getting our regular ct scans but that is a quick in and out and then we're done and we get the results right away from his doctor.  the mri was totally different.  carson had to be sedated through an iv for this.  he was all smiles and chatting up the nurses till they stuck his hand with that needle.  i can't blame him though, i HATE getting iv's.  hate them with a passion.  but after about a minute of crying and asking me to make them stop (stab me in the heart painful) he was fine.  then after about a 30 minute wait we walked back to the mri machine. once i was back there with him on the table i could see the anxiousness in his sweet little face.  he was not so sure about all of this.  fortunately before he could really get too upset or anxious they gave him his sleepy medicine.  he went from telling me he didn't want his pictures taken to passed out cold in a matter of seconds.  i was grateful for that but in the same breath it's no fun seeing your baby knocked out.  i wasn't allowed to be in the room so i had to wait for about 45 minutes till they brought him back to me.  best.  feeling.  ever.  give me back my boy.  about 10 minutes later after a few pokes from me he woke up as said he wanted to go to target and pick out a toy and that he did not like the room with the big camera (mri machine).  i'm not going to lie, i didn't like the room either.  it's a very scary feeling.  so we packed up and headed to target.  a treat for carson and a treat for mom ;-)

we won't get the results for a few days but really it was just a baseline for the doctors to have because of his seizure he had a few months ago.  she said she really wasn't expecting anything out of the ordinary so that's what i'm going with.  nothing surprising.  just carson's awesome brain!

checking out the train at children's

iv started and all better

done and done and a wagon ride to the car

i don't care what is going on or what stress we're dealing with.  this sound right here makes it all better.  and the fact that her two big brothers are the reason she's laughing make it even better. 



seven doesn't really seem like such a big number when your talking about things.  i can eat seven potato chips, that's really not that many.  seven M&Ms?  no problem.  wait seven days for the weekend, it may seem like a long time but it goes by quick.  but the thought that carson is seven years old, that does not seem real.  it's been seven years since he entered this world 14 weeks early.  seven years since i heard his tiny cry and andrew said those words that are burned in my memory, "he's really, really tiny."  carson is seven.  in those seven years he has done so many amazing things and shown us what a miracle he really is.  sometimes i forget his beginning.  i forget just how tiny and sick he was.  in the past seven years carson has shown us what a sweet, gentle, kind, loving, silly, movie quoting, happy dancing, carefree, sensitive, best big brother and most amazing first child he really is.  i wasn't sure what God's plan was when he brought us carson and cooper so early, and honestly i still don't know the whole plan but i sure am grateful that carson is ours.  here's to you carson ridley hess, happy 7th birthday you most amazing boy!

i love this picture of carson.  it shows just how grown up he looks and how sweet he is.  always checking on shelby and looking at his little brother with such a sweet face.  he truly loves being their big brother. 


brooks is 5!

in the blink of an eye five years have gone by.  how did that happen?  our brooks has gone from a feisty, never gives up, won't back down, don't tell me i can't do it baby with a life-threatening heart defect to a feisty, never gives up, won't back down, don't tell me i can't do it five year old.  i wouldn't change him for all the money in the world.  God knew what he was doing when he put brooks in our lives.  believe me when i say that life without him around would not be as entertaining.  he is carson's best bud and shelby's hero.  he can drive us all bat-you know what-crazy with his stubborness but that little face can also melt any heart into doing exactly what he wants.  here's to you, brooks!  happy 5th birthday.  may you never slow down, give up, or let anyone tell you what to do.  you will move mountains, kid!


she is six months

how has six months gone by in the blink of an eye?  our baby girl is six months old!  that seems unreal to me.  in one way i think, gosh, it's only been six months...it feels like we've had her forever.  and in another i think, wow, six months already?  it feels like yesterday we were going in to have her. i remember finding out we were having a girl and thinking what were we in for?  we were used to our boys, used to boy ways.  how would this little girl fit in?  the answer is perfectly.  she fits in perfectly. our boys adore her.  couldn't love her more.  i'm sure they will have their moments with her as she gets older but the look in both of their eyes when she smiles at them is priceless.  carson loves being her "biggest" big brother.  he's so sweet with her in every way, very gentle, very carson.  he loves to introduce her to everyone he meets.  "this is my brother, brooks.  and THIS is our new baby sister, shelby!"  his favorite word to describer her is cute.  she's very cute.

brooks i think will be very protective of his baby sister.  he tells her everyday how pretty she is and how much we wanted a baby sister.  she'll learn some good wrestling moves with him in the future.  he loves to hug her just a little bit too tight.  she's learning to push him back or yell out.  he still struggles with not being the baby anymore and maybe those extra squeezes are payback but for the most part he is very helpful and very caring with her.

at six months our girl is almost sitting on her own.  at least enough for a quick photo shoot or two.  she's eating all kinds of baby food and will finish just about any bottle put in front of her.  she doesn't love to nap but will sleep pretty good in her carseat while were are out and about almost every day.  she's gotten so good about putting herself to sleep at night and dare i say it out loud...she's slept all night from 7pm to 8am for the last two nights.  go baby girl.  i think she could sense how badly i needed my sleep back!  she loves to watch mommy play tennis on thursday and would bounce herself silly in her jumpy.  all in all, she is a very happy very loving baby.

we have no complaints with this precious gift from God.  she is our whole world and we couldn't love her more if we tried.  we love you, shelby cooper!  happy six months to you!

she had so much fun in this big fluffy dress.  (who am i kidding, I had so much fun with her in this big fluffy dress!)  she kept trying to eat it.  

i could squeeze this face all day long

not gonna take credit for this one.  brooks took this picture.  he was dying to use my camera and when he said he got a good one i was floored to actually see that it was really good.  a little photographer in the making.

costume change.  i mean, for real, it's just too much fun!

check out these legs!

don't be talking about my legs, mama.

next up is crawling.  i don't think any of us are ready for this little one to crawl but she is raring to go.  ready to get into all of her brothers' things.  


little ray of sunshine

oh how this little girl has stolen the hearts of everyone in this family.  what a doll baby she is.  i could squeeze her every second.  i can't believe she'll be 6 months old in just a few days.  slow down time!


EEG results

we got back the results from carson's eeg and all looked good.  his eeg is abnormal but that they expected.  due to his brain injury from when he was a baby and all the hardware in his head (his shunt) they expected his results to be considered abnormal.  but nothing seemed really off or concerning so that was good to hear.  they still want him on medicine which i am ok with for now, but i am not sure about long term.  i don't like the idea of him being on meds just because he had one tiny mild seizure.  he has to have an mri on aprl 14 and after that and all looks good then i am going to look at taking him off the medicine.  for now though he's doing great.  i think that the medicine gives him a little boost of energy because he is all over the place which is funny to see.  he was so chatty with the lady who was casting his feet for new braces.  he talked her ear off until we left even asking her if she'd seen the picture of him at the lake.  um, no.  the stranger who we just met has not seen the random picture of you on my phone but he was so excited to tell her about it.  he's so sweet.  i just want him to be ok.  isn't that all we ever want for our kids...to just be ok.


sail on

i must admit that i posted this picture the other night on Facebook with a slightly heavy heart.  you see, not too long after taking this picture things changed for carson in the blink of an eye.  i'll start off by saying he's ok.  but he gave us all a pretty good scare.  last night (tuesday, march 11) we were at the baseball fields watching brooks play tee ball.  carson had come from his two hours of therapy and was ready to cut loose.  he was playing on the playground, cheering brooks on and running.  and i mean running laps and not stopping.  the kid loves to run.  forest gump style.  he just keeps running.  i had shelby strapped to me with the baby carrier and was watching brooks play in the outfield.  not really playing baseball, more like playing.  carson had just finished another lap and he came and sat down next to me.  he looked a little pale and said he wanted to go home, that he was tired.  and then he shivered.  i looked at him and his eyes were turned up to the left.  i thought it was strange so i got in front of him and asked for him to look at me.  he clearly could not move his eyes and was looking up to the sky.  he was having a seizure.  i knew it right away.  a few seconds later he started to cry and said he wanted to lay down.  my mom instinct kicked in and i was all business (with a little fear, who wouldn't be scared?).  i called his neurosurgeon thinking that maybe his shunt was malfunctioning.  we got him to the car and pulled brooks off the field (don't worry, brooks is not really what we would call a "key" player on the field.  i don't think his coaches were that upset he had to leave).

thank goodness both sets of grandparents were at the game and were all able to help out.  poor shelby got ripped out of her comfy sling and handed over which she did not like.  i could see that she was crying but honestly i couldn't focus on anything but carson.  i had no idea what was going on and i wanted him to be back to his old self.  as soon as we had the two younger kids squared away with my mom and andrew's mom we were off to children's.  carson slept the whole way there on my shoulder and i just held on to him.  my very first born.  my miracle.  nothing could happen to him, i will not allow it.

so long night cut short, his shunt is working fine.  he had a seizure.  we're not sure why but kids with cp can have seizures and we've been lucky to not have had any till now.  we were released from the ER after a dose of anti seizure medicine and orders to follow up with our neurologist the next day, which we have done.  he had a follow up on wednesday and an EEG.  he looked so silly with all those wires coming off his head.  he did good, sat still for the most part.  of course i sat and stared at the computer screen trying to decipher all the lines.  i have no clue what i was looking at but the more i looked the more nervous i got.  what were all those lines saying?  what was she writing down and she was looking at them?  why did she look at carson?  you could really drive yourself insane asking all these questions which is what i did.  i just have to let it go, right?  just let it be.  and pray.  pray for things to come back looking good.  pray that i never have to see carson have another seizure.  pray that i can sleep at night without worrying about what's going to happen because i have no control over it, right?  easier said than done.  i know that once i hear back from our neurologist i'll feel better, be able to plan out what comes next and how we'll handle it all.  the best part is that i'm too busy these days to worry.  i have 3 kids to take care of and they stop for nothing.  my 3 little saviors, they keep me smiling and laughing.  thank you God for them!