“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together there is something you must always remember, you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart I'll always be with you.”

~Winnie the Pooh

8.12.2015

#bufordwolves

it's hard to believe that something andrew and i have talked about for the last 3 years has actually happened.  last thursday the boys had their first day in second and first grade as buford wolves.  i just knew back when carson was in pre k that this is where we were meant to be.  it just took some work and time.  three years later we are here.  we already felt like part of the family which is a big reason we wanted to be a part of this school system.  i love their dress code (makes getting ready for school easy for this mom!), the teachers and staff are so friendly and seem genuinely happy to be a part of the school and the best part is that the boys are in the same school.  well, kind of.  brooks is in one building that houses the kindergarten and first grades and carson is in the other that has second through fifth.  but, once we move in they will ride the same bus, that stops at our driveway.  it all seems too good to be true.  i'm crossing my fingers and knocking on wood every chance i get.  but i think, and pray.  i pray a lot about it.  that this was the best thing we could of done for our kids.  not just for carson.  but for all 3 of them.  go buford!  go wolves!

happy first day!  we were all a little sleepy and kinda sad that summer was over, but super excited for our first day in our new school.  Untitled

my big boys.  how has this much time gone by?  second and first grade, watch out.  the hess boys are ready!
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so andrew and i had to divide and conquer on the first day and i took brooks.  believe it or not, he was the one who needed a little more hand holding.  i think carson is so used to going to a new school every year it wasn't a big deal to him.  brooks on the other hand didn't really grasp the idea that none of his friends from last year were in his class.  don't worry, he's already made a best friend and has the little girls chasing him on the playground.  we are in trouble. 
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and not to be left out, little miss wanted to do some work of her own.  she was busy all morning coloring a box.  she was super excited for school to start, that means she gets everyone at home to herself again.  but she sure does miss her "bubba's" during the day.
Another lefty?!

and probably the most exciting news of all (at least to me and andrew.  and my parents, since we have completely invaded their house till ours is built), we have walls!  it actually looks like a house on the inside.  all good things, slowly but surely, all good things.
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7.29.2015

happy heart day, #6

six years went by so fast.  funny, because the first 3, almost 4, months went by like we were stuck in quick sand.  brooks wasn't the easiest at first.  who can blame him?  he was in constant cardiac arrest.  who knew?  i can't really say what made me decide to take him in the the ER that monday morning.  maybe it was the fact that he hadn't eaten or slept in a good 72 hours.  maybe it was the fact that andrew or i couldn't take the constant screaming anymore.  i felt silly taking him in, thinking they were just going to tell me i had a colicky baby on my hands.  i remember talking to a friend on the phone on the way saying i was probably just going to be giving an acid reflux medicine and sent on my way but i had to do something.  i thank God everyday i did.  there are a few moments in my life that i will always remember and seeing the look on the x-ray tech's face is one of them.  in an instant i went from a overtired mom with a baby who wouldn't stop crying to a very serious heart baby's mom.  i remember every little movement made and also feel like i don't remember anything at all.  i remember lots of people rushing in and taking brooks from me, but i don't remember what they were telling me.  i remember telling a friend who called to see if he was ok, no.  he's not ok at all.  i remember an on call cardiologist talking to me but i have no idea what he said.  and then i remember taking an ambulance ride and realizing this was serious.  i never want to ride that fast in an ambulance again.

the best part is that brooks remembers none of it.  we all may remember how scared we were but brooks just knows that he's pretty amazing.  happy sixth heart day, bubba!

i don't think this will ever not bring tears to my eyes.  thank you egleston CICU nurses and dr. kirschbom for saving him.  we were so lucky to live nearby such an amazing hospital.  
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and now check this little devil out.  i am so not ready for this kid to look so grown up.  not ready.  at all.  
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thank goodness he's still a little goofy
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but when he wants to be, he sure is sweet.
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and cute.  he is a doll.
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and this is his, i know i'm cute and you can't say no, look.
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as much as he may drive us all nuts with his incredible stubborn streak (i thank his daddy for that one), he is one stinking cute miracle who has a heart of gold that works like a champ now.
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7.08.2015

summer fun

since we technically have no home i decided to make the most of it and bounce around as much as possible this summer.  we still have things to do and places to be around our "home" but for the most part we are free to roam.  we've made several trips to the lake, stayed downtown and have been to the beach so far.  i actually haven't unpacked our bags in almost a month.  it's kind of nice!  since our stuff is everywhere (and i do mean everywhere, we have stuff spread all over my parents' house, two PODS and one storage unit.  i couldn't find something if i wanted to.  if it's not packed in one of our overnight bags we'll see it when we move in to the new house.  which, who knows when that will be...the brick mason quit last week so we have yet to see a single brick laid.  not good when your whole house is brick.

so, to take our minds off of the house we packed up the car and headed to watercolr with some friends.  7 adults and 8 kids all in one beautiful house.  we had a blast.  we went to the beach every day, swam in the pool till dark and grilled out every night.  i could get used to living that way.  it was so fun having all the kids be together but really weird because for the first time our kids (the boys) were the oldest by a couple of years.  i'm so used to having the "little" ones that is was really strange seeing my boys up at 10 pm and not wondering what was wrong.  they were so good with all the little kids running around, it made me proud.  they were referred to as "the brothers" and it was so sweet to see the little ones looking up to both carson and brooks.  it sure made me feel old though.  eh, oh well.  i'll take feeling proud of how my kids are growing up over feeling old any day.

all 8 kids on the last night we were there.  it poured on us trying to get some pictures done but it made for a cute group shot.
all 8


brooks loving the beach
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carson and his girlfriend, lily.  she loved him and it was so cute!
carson and lily

girlfriend loved the beach.  i'm pretty sure she ate enough sand to poop out a sandcastle.
I think she liked the beach!

andrew and brooks in the water
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watching brooks and daddy in the water.
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full on meltdown because i walked away for 5 minutes.  not sure what to do with this one.
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girlfriend found a love for shoes while on the trip.  we now have a serious problem.
shelbys shoes

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snow cones one night for the boys.  they loved riding in the golf cart to go get them.  
Happy boys!

we had the best time, thank you so much kc and renata for sharing your beautiful beach home!
Sand and sun. ❤️

6.19.2015

my sweet little shelby is getting so big so fast.  she's full of energy and loves to do anything her brothers are doing.  she is bound and determined to keep up with them.  we were out walking around my old neighborhood and brooks was way far ahead on his scooter.  she was running with the most determined look on her face saying, "see bubba.  i get him.  see bubba.  i get him."  she would not let me pick her and and carry her, she was doing it on her own.  that's my girl!

she's not as easy to follow around with my camera anymore but she sure is precious when i do capture her

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her sweet little profile is the perfect mix of both the boys.  most people see brooks in her but i definitley see carson there, too.

shelby polka dot

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6.02.2015

packing and moving and end of school oh my!

the last few weeks and been a bit of a blur.  after a solid month of packing up our house into pods, storage units and any free space in my parents' house we were all exhausted.  and we still had 3 weeks left of school to get through.  and a wedding in dallas to attend and dance our hearts out at.  so to say the least we are beat.

moving out of the old house was a lot more difficult on both the boys than i thought it would be.  the poor kids miss their house terribly.  each one has had a few little meltdowns that have also brought me to tears.  one time brooks was so upset because we didn't have a home anymore.  it's hard to see them so confused.  we take them by the new house several times a week so they can see that we do actually have a home it's just not ready yet.  sometimes i forget they are just six and eight.  thank goodness little shelby has no clue what's going on.  i couldn't handle one more!

little miss watching the moving truck pull in
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what the boys did as we packed up the house
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our last family photo on our front steps.  it didn't turn out like i had imagined.  shelby was pushing me away because i wouldn't let her run up and down the ramp to the trailer.  carson was 2.2 seconds away from falling asleep and clearly brooks was not too happy.  andrew and i were flat worn out from moving the majority of our stuff by ourselves.  i never want to move again.  ever.  
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and then as if we weren't already tired we still had 3 weeks left of school.  thank goodness we have amazing neighbors who let us basically move in with them so that i could get the boys on their buses so they could get to school.  it's hard to believe the boys are done with 1st grade and kindergarten.  i now have a 2nd adn 1st grader!  

first and last days


the best part of the last few weeks was by far cameron and jay's wedding.  we all flew to dallas to celebrate and had a fantastic time.  the kids were precious and walked down the ailse better than i ever thought possible (believe me, the rehearsal was not good).  all three had a blast dancing the night away, or at least till my parents took them back to the hotel so that mama could have some fun herself! 

the only way to fly with three kids.  thank you flight attendant for the free bottle of adult beverage.
Thank you flight attendant on American Airlines who felt sorry for me and gave me a glass of wine for free!  Flying with a 1 1/2 year old ain't easy!

look at my three little angels.  they were precious.
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andrew got to walk his mom down and then also walk with his dad and sister.  it was so beautiful.  
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so happy for these two.
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ah, it never gets old...
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chasing birds
Burdie ;-)

my little prince
With my Prince Charming ��

having her cake
She can have her cake and eat it too

my little family.  i could squeeze them all. 
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5.21.2015

may 21

 i blinked my eyes and all of the sudden it's may 21.  i used to worry and stress over this day approaching but this year with moving, building a house, going to dallas for a very special wedding, finishing the school year and having three kids i didn't have time to worry.  i never thought the day would come that i wouldn't count down the days and minutes until may 21.  instead this year i woke up, got the boys off to school and had some time to think about what i wanted to write this year.  i look at all three of my kids here and think about how lucky i am to have them.  they are beyond precious.  their smiles, little personalities, the hugs they give for no reason, the things they say and do.  i love it all and wouldn't change a thing.

without may 21, 2007 i don't know what my life would be like.  that day, eight years ago was beyond the worst day of our lives.  i remember every second of the whole day.  i felt pain that i never thought i would be able to feel.  i did not want to get out of bed the next day.  but i had carson who needed me in the nicu.  carson saved me and continues to save me every day since.  and then we had brooks and then shelby.  they all are here to keep me going and i know who sent them to me.  while not a day goes by that i don't wonder what my life would be like if cooper were still here i am so thankful for the life i have with him in heaven.  it has taken me a few years to get to this point but i know that i will be with him one day and then my heart will feel whole again.  until then, my three little angels here will keep me smiling.

we let balloons go today to heaven for our brother, Cooper.  three blue and one pink.  my three boys and my sweet girl.  i love them all more that i could ever explain.

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all three waiting to let the balloons go up to heaven to their brother
all three balloons

carson got to let them go to his twin brother
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