may 21

 i blinked my eyes and all of the sudden it's may 21.  i used to worry and stress over this day approaching but this year with moving, building a house, going to dallas for a very special wedding, finishing the school year and having three kids i didn't have time to worry.  i never thought the day would come that i wouldn't count down the days and minutes until may 21.  instead this year i woke up, got the boys off to school and had some time to think about what i wanted to write this year.  i look at all three of my kids here and think about how lucky i am to have them.  they are beyond precious.  their smiles, little personalities, the hugs they give for no reason, the things they say and do.  i love it all and wouldn't change a thing.

without may 21, 2007 i don't know what my life would be like.  that day, eight years ago was beyond the worst day of our lives.  i remember every second of the whole day.  i felt pain that i never thought i would be able to feel.  i did not want to get out of bed the next day.  but i had carson who needed me in the nicu.  carson saved me and continues to save me every day since.  and then we had brooks and then shelby.  they all are here to keep me going and i know who sent them to me.  while not a day goes by that i don't wonder what my life would be like if cooper were still here i am so thankful for the life i have with him in heaven.  it has taken me a few years to get to this point but i know that i will be with him one day and then my heart will feel whole again.  until then, my three little angels here will keep me smiling.

we let balloons go today to heaven for our brother, Cooper.  three blue and one pink.  my three boys and my sweet girl.  i love them all more that i could ever explain.

carson balloons2

carson balloons1

boys

all three waiting to let the balloons go up to heaven to their brother
all three balloons

carson got to let them go to his twin brother
carson balloons3

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Comments

Erin said…
What beautiful thoughts, Lauren. Your strength is an inspiration!