six years old

my sweet, kind, loving, adorable tiny carson turns six today.  six.  i'm in shock, i think.  it's been six years since he came in to this world at a whopping 1 lb 15 ounces.  andrew and i had no idea what we were doing when we became parents for the first time six years ago.  we were terrified.  our babies were being born almost 3 months early.  i remember right after delivering carson asking andrew what he looked like and the only thing he could say was, "he's really tiny." we didn't know what life would be like for our babies but we didn't care, they were our boys.  

God had a plan for us and even though i don't understand why some of it had to turn out the way it did i know that carson was meant to be ours.  He knew that we needed carson in our lives just the way he is, which is amazing.  he is destined for great things, i just know it.  and while i miss cooper every single second of every single day i know he is here with us in carson.  the next 40 days are always the hardest of my life but with the smiles and hugs from my two boys here (and the boy or girl growing!) i can get through.  and to see the excitement on carson's face when he wakes up and realizes he six years old will make the day even better.  that smile can make even the worst of days better in an instant.  if you've never seen it in person, you're missing out.  it will melt your heart.

happy 6th birthday to the two most amazing boys i've ever known.