First Mother's Day

This is not really how I envisioned my very first Mother's Day. To be honest, I don't even really feel like a mother. I don't get to do all the things that most mothers do. It wasn't really easy to go up to see the boys today. I kind of wish we could just skip over this day. I think I'll just count next year's Mother's day as my first.

Let's see, where to begin on today's report? It hasn't been a great day for those. Cooper's infection/inflammation levels went up, so they are still trying to figure out what is going on. He got 3 new lines in him and they took out the old ones thinking maybe that is where it is coming from. He was wide awake and looking all around when we had him open. I wish everyone could see the way he looks around and raises his eyebrows like he is thinking about something. It's so sweet. His blood pressure was about the same. Andrew and I can notice that his tiny head is starting to swell. He really needs to get over to Scottish Rite to have his VAD put in but they can't do that until the infection levels come down.

Carson now has a little infection too. Maybe he was feeling left out? He is starting to get tired on his breathing machine and I am afraid they are going to have to put him back on the ventilator. I know they said it could happen, he could go back and forth several times, it just sucks to see him doing so well for a few days and then begin to struggle. I did get to hold him today. I think their nurse felt sorry for me having to spend my first Mother's Day crying. It did make me feel better to have him on me. I just wish I could hold both of them.

My sweet, sweet husband gave me a pair of beautiful earrings for Mother's Day and he planted "baby's breath" for me from Carson and Cooper. I don't know what I would do without Andrew as my husband. I don't think anyone else could handle me, being the basket case I am (which I was like this before we had kids!) and also having to go through all of this as a father. He seems to handle everything so well which allows me to feel the way I do. Not many men could handle this like he is and for that I am grateful.

Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there. I hope you had a good one.

Comments

kellie furin said…
Hang in there Lauren! We are all still thinking of and praying for you. Just think, next year when you celebrate your "first" mother's day you can have a huge bash!
much love, Kellie (Walter) Furin
Happy Mother's Day Lauren! Just think by next year everything is going to be so different. You are not only a mom, but a great mom. You are there for your boys every day and they know you love them very much. Carson and Cooper are very lucky! We will continue to pray for your family.
Scott and Joelle
skillethead said…
Lauren,
We'll make you an honorary kiwi today. Mother's Day was yesterday down here, and it's Monday morning here. Checking in on the blog is the first thing I do in the morning. Hang in there, Sweetie; we are all hoping for better days soon!
Love,
Jeff
Anonymous said…
You have shown the rest of us what real strength and love are all about. Lauren, you are more of a "real" mother than you know! When Carson and Cooper come to Camp Kiwi to visit us, Uncle Jeff will teach them how to play rugby! We love you both dearly,
Lisa
Lauren, Happy First Mother's Day!
Aunt Carol, Happy First Mother's Day as a Grandmother!!
Carsen and Cooper, Happy belated one-month birthday!!!
We love all the pictures and look forward to seeing and reading about the boys everyday.
Love,
Uncle Stan, Aunt Linda, Jon, and Lindsey
Zeb's Mom said…
Hi Lauren and Andrew,
We just want to let you know that we are thinking of you and your precious boys. I cannot even imagine how you must feel each day and the emotional rollor coaster that you are going through. I know that you are doing everything you can! Happy First Mother's Day! When you look back you will, be able to appreciate the journey. Hang in there!
With love, Bryan, Wendy, and Zebediah
Adrienne said…
Good job Andrew! So sweet.

I'm sorry the boys are still such a roller coaster for you. The good thing about being the mom is you get to make the rules - so "what mother's day?" I ask! Never happened!

You're both doing a great job and don't think for a moment that you're not a mom because you can't do the "usual" things. I say you're a super-mom because you *don't* get to do the usual things but you've handled all these unusual things with such grace. Hang in there, those boys will come around soon!
-A
Unknown said…
Hi Lauren,
Mothers love their kids - and you certainly fill that bill! Hang in there, and know that so many people are praying for you, Andrew, and the boys. Love you, Beth
Happy Mother's Day, Lauren.

We are still checking on you guys about every other day and thinking about you every day.

Stay strong and optimistic!
april shafer said…
Lauren,

You are the perfect example of how great mother's love is. I know that next Mother's Day will be a lot easier. Hopefully, it will incorporate flowers, breakfast in bed, and all the other pampering that you deserve. Am I hearing massage?? :) Carson and Cooper are so lucky to have you and Andrew as their parents.

We are all praying for Carson and Cooper's healthy recovery!

love, april
Coach White said…
Hang in there Lauren and Andrew. Carson and Cooper are so lucky to have such great and strong parents like you two. Lauren you are the definition of a great mother!! God Bless!!

Lori and Amy
Coach White said…
Happy Mothers Day Lauren. The note that new daddy planted baby's breath in honor of your 1st mothers day just made me have to send this message to you. You are in my prayers. Each day is closer to the day you will brings your sons home.

Bless you and your new family,
Aunt Nancy
Leanne Goss said…
Lauren,
My heart goes out to you and Andrew in dealing with this challenging situation. I will keep you and your family in my constant thoughts and prayers. I am confident that your strength will allow Cooper and Carson to pull through this one. They are very lucky boys to have such wonderful parents. I look forward to getting in touch with you next time I am in Atlanta. Stay positive and hang in there lady!
Much love,
Leanne
Happy Mother's Day! You may not feel like a "real" mother, but from your blog I can tell you that you are already one of the best! Those boys know how loved they are and that is the best mom that you can be. And by the way, you have total rights to be a "basket case" any time you want to be. I love that Andrew planted Babies Breath - that is one of the sweetest things that I have ever heard. You all continue to be in our thoughts and prayers! Please let us know if there is anything that we can do!

Love,
Kristen